Self-pity (Part 2)

I am finally back to finish this post. I went to Restoration of all Things conference in England. Nancy Coen, Justin Abraham, Lindy Strong, and Mike Parsons spoke. Wow, it was probably the most significant meetings I have attended to date. Here’s the link if your interested,

OK, off the rabbit trail and back to the task at hand. How do you help someone that’s drowning in self-pity and a victim spirit? First of all, I know how annoying repeated ramblings of these persons can be. But, that’s no reason to ask them to leave. The only time I let go of someone is when they are dangerous to others. I never tell them to go away. If they are complaining in a group setting, I will say now is not the time or place for this. I will ask them to schedule a meeting with me during a private time. If they don’t want help, they’ll eventually stop coming to your meetings.

Now for those that do want help, I have a protocol of 3 simple steps. But don’t be deceived. Those steps may take months to accomplish.

Step 1) Healing sessions (You may have your own techniques that work also.)
I ask them to go back in their memories to the first time they felt the root of their pain. For example, if they can never get over grieving the loss of a loved one, I ask him or her to go back to the very first time they felt that kind of pain. Usually, it’s when they were a child. I then ask them (in their imagination) to stand before either Father God, Jesus, or Holy Spirit. I ask him or her to stand where they feel the safest. I then tell them to imagine that they’re holding that memory and pain in their hands. From here on out, I use a repeat after me prayer. it goes something like this.

Father, here is the pain from _______. Please take all my negative emotions and memories, they are _________. I ask them to state everything that comes to mind. I tell them a significant key to this is to let God take those things rather than give them. If God takes them, it’s very difficult to get them back. Then I wait until the person feels the burden of all those memories and emotions lift. If nothing happens, then you usually need to go further back in the person’s memories. Believe it or not, I’ve had to go into the womb with people. After that, they should be able to recall the memory without any pain. I have had people tell me it’s like watching a black and white movie.

The next thing that I ask them to do is wait until the Lord gives them something. They will get an impression or see something in the spirit. When you create an empty space from something negative, it needs to be filled with something positive. What better thing than a gift from God. Yes, it’s usually symbolism but it can have a deep meaning.

Step 2) The next step is getting them to engage with the firestones. Gal 5:22-23 “The fruit of the spirit (or maturity) is, love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against which there is no law.” This is actually a path to maturity and it goes up the mountain of the Lord. Some people can engage with all these steps quickly. Others will take months on each step. But for healing purposes, the most important are love, joy, and peace. They need to continue to go back to these steps until they have revelation and understanding. You’ll know when this is accomplished because people who get new revelation from God can hardly wait to share. You’ll see and hear the difference.

So why love, joy, and peace? Well, God’s love is the foundation for everything. As stated in Nehemiah, joy is our strength and Philippians tells us that peace guards our hearts in minds.

Nehemiah 8:10 the joy of the Lord is my strength

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Step 3) Help them find their identity. A good place to start is Arthur Burke’s redemptive gifts material. Taking a redemptive gifts test won’t hurt either. You can also go to and search their blog for the material. Lastly, and this is very important. Ascend with them. Help them explore their personal mountains and their gates.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any more questions,